I've figured out part of the problem I have in discussing Mormon issues with others. Oftentimes there is a disconnect between how important the two parties view the subject being discussed. To illustrate the point, I'm proposing a completely arbitrary method of ranking an issue on a 10 point scale of ascending importance as follows:
1. Completely meaningless
2. Trivial
3. Relevant
4. Somewhat significant
5. Significant
6. Very significant
7. Important
8. Very important
9. Critical
10. Essential to salvation
When I think a subject is "1" and someone else thinks it is "10" then naturally I don't care about the point. They think I must be convinced of the point or I am going to forfeit salvation itself. When that is the case, we don't connect very well. If we do reach an agreement, I don't think the agreement amounts to much. They on the other hand, think they've won a major point, or provided a valuable service. I would likely be bored with the discussion, and since I didn't value the subject's importance would probably offend the other party by my disinterest.
On the other hand, views change. At one point I am convinced that some behavior or conduct is either 9 or 10, only to later realize that it is more likely a 3 or 4. That change in attitude may be due to nothing more than living longer, getting more experience and developing a little humility about life and its challenges.
I think that a lot of discussions, disagreements and strong arguments are rooted in an assignment of different levels of importance to the subject.
For example, when I was an Elder's Quorum President, Home Teaching by Quorum members was something between an 8 and 10. I'm not an Elder's Quorum President any longer, and I go home teach my families because I really care about them. I like them. I want to be with them. I find them interesting. I've been 100% for many months and, if I miss at all, it is due to either their absence during the month or mine. But I try to keep in close touch, not because of some "assignment" but because I like them. If I were to assign a level of importance to home teaching now, based on the scale above, I would candidly give it a 5 or 6.
There are people who believe the center piece of the relief society room during a lesson is a 10. I don't relate well to that. And there are those who think President Monson's General Conference Addresses are a 1. I don't relate well to that, either.
Before a discussion begins about gospel subjects, I think it is always helpful to first find out how important the subject is to the person with whom you are speaking.
Fantastic point! One of the many things that can go wrong in human to human communication. I think we are often having very different discussion when we converse, but that is the therapist talking.
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